One of the most fascinating aspects of being an author who writes for the Christian market is that I often work out my faith through the thoughts, actions, and revelations of my characters. I can be writing a scene in which a character is having a sacred moment or a conversation with another character or is in a terrible situation and reaching out to God, and I suddenly find myself thinking, wait, that’s what I believe?

Don’t get me wrong. My core beliefs are not in flux or shaken or reworked on a whim. Those aspects of the Christian faith a pastor of mine is fond of calling “closed fist issues” are not negotiable. What he refers to as “open fist issues” however—those that have been discussed and argued over and worked out over centuries and millennia by Biblical scholars—are open to examination and review. It is those elements, the ones that are not clearly and absolutely delineated in Scripture, that often come up in my stories.

And sometimes it is only in working through them on the page that I realize what my true convictions are. Occasionally those character conversations—with God, themselves, or others—change or influence or clarify what I thought I believed, which is always interesting.

In Eye of the Mind, I crafted a scene in which the two main characters, Dante and Jules, are sharing painful, traumatic events from the past and how angry they are with God over what happened to them, what He had taken from them. Here is the exchange:

“I understand that fear. Believe me. But all those memories you have of your mom and dad, of Louisa—and I know how deeply you feel them even if you can’t visualize them—would you give those up? As heartrending as they might be, would you exchange that pain in order to feel nothing? To remember nothing?”

Jules ran the tip of her finger over a daisy again and again, as though she didn’t realize she was doing it. “I can’t answer that. What I can tell you is that, when you said you lost your faith that God was good and only wanted the best for us, I truly did get it. I grew up going to church and I thought I loved Jesus with all my heart. After everything that happened, I realized I didn’t even know who that Jesus was.”

“Huh.” Dante leaned back in his chair, struck by the sudden revelation her words had sparked. “That’s something I haven’t really considered. Maybe the Jesus I’ve been so angry with isn’t the real Jesus at all, just the version of him I made up in my head. A Jesus who cares more about my happiness than allowing me to go through trials that make me more like him, that draw me closer to him. A Santa Claus God who exists solely to give me everything I ask for, even though, given his infinite perspective and wisdom, he knows it isn’t what is best for me. I’ve believed for so long that God abandoned me when I needed him the most. Now I wonder if that absence I’ve felt since Carina died isn’t the absence of the true God but the complete disintegration of the one I created myself.”

Jules’ shimmering eyes locked on his as she touched her fingers to her chest. “I feel the truth of that here, so I think you could be right.”

“Then, Jules.” Dante reached for her hands and held them in his. “Maybe it’s time for both of us to let go of that fake God and all our anger toward him and turn to the real one. The one who does want what’s best for us, even when it means that we have to stumble blindly through a deep, dark valley of heartbreak and grief. The one who never has left but has always been there, walking alongside us.”

Only in writing this section did I realize that this is something I am very capable of doing—constructing a God in my head that is not the God of the Bible and then being angry or frustrated or resentful when that made-up God doesn’t perform the way I expect Him to. It was a light-bulb moment for me that has encouraged me to consider whether the God I serve and worship is the true God and, if not, where I need to adjust my beliefs to fully align with Scripture.

My hope and prayer for all my books, including Eye of the Mind, is that readers will be encouraged and even challenged to examine what they believe and whether what they believe is actually true and Scriptural. Most of all, I pray that every reader of any book of mine will be left at the end of it with the absolute assurance that they are never alone. That whatever they are going through, whatever they may have done in the past or had done to them, God sees them, knows them, loves them deeply and intimately, and has promised to never leave them or forsake them.

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Until next time, may your reading bring both light and encouragement.

Happy reading!
~ Danielle.